The “Perfect on Paper”(POP) man. He’s not as rare as we think he is. We probably have him or several men like him in our lives, but we never think of him in a romantic way because he’s most likely in the friend zone. Sometimes, women even force themselves to try him out and date him, but he’s just TOO perfect. For whatever reason, that’s a turn off to a lot of women. If you meet a “POP” you may say things like, “Ugh, he’s just SO nice,” “He bought me flowers, AGAIN,” “He calls/texts me everyday, I’m feeling suffocated!”
A “POP” usually has his life together. He has a degree, or several degrees, a great job, a great relationship with his family, the perfect apartment, the perfect dog, he treats you well, always checks-in, is a very considerate of your feelings, brings you soup when you are sick and on and on… Personally, this sounds great to me! I love POPs and find the stability of a POP very comforting. Now, there have been POPs who I just haven’t been interested in and just because of the fact that they are really nice and amazing guys I’ve given the relationship a chance, but all of my efforts were to no avail.
Sometimes these “good guys” seem so rare that women feel obligated to date them because they are “relationship guys” or “marriage material.” Now, I have a few theories of why things don’t always work out with these guys. However, just because a guy is very nice and seems “perfect” does not mean that you have to date him. I want to put that out there first, but I also believe some women automatically reject these men because they themselves are scared of commitment or how real a relationship could be with a real life POP.
Let’s start with the commitment-phobes. Okay, you may not actually be diagnosed with commitment-phobia, but because you’ve gone out with so many guys who say they aren’t looking for a relationship you just never expect to be in one. Then, when a POP comes along you don’t know how to accept his nice treatment or how to commit to a monogamous relationship when the time comes. The whole thing makes you feel uncomfortable and you blame it on the poor POP. Usually this fear comes in when the relationship starts to feel real and when you start to get used to having someone to lean on. Maybe you’ve been single for a while and you are so used to being independent that depending on someone else for emotional support terrifies you or maybe you think you’ll get used to that support and it’ll get snatched away so why even bother? If you find yourself in this position all you need to do is ask yourself if you are afraid of what comes with being in a relationship? If so, why? Or are you simply not that into this particular guy? Yes, so much stability can seem boring, but trust me a guy who calls you every three days may seem exciting until you get married and he disappears for days at a time. That excitement will wear off quickly.
Now, if you do find yourself dating a POP, do NOT try to force things just because you know that he is a nice person. First of all, POPs are not puppies. It is simply not fair for you to waste a man’s time just because you are hoping you can work things out and force yourself to fall in love with him. He is a man, probably a very smart man and will eventually catch on to the fact that you are just toying with him because you are bored or lonely or both. We as women should not go “hunting” for men and try and trap the first person we can to marry us. This is very disempowering and not what love or relationships are about. I see this happening all of the time and it breaks my heart because at the end of the day, neither person in a forced relationship will be happy. You will not be truly happy if you are not in love and the guy will not have the love and respect he deserves and could have with another woman.
*On a side note, I don’t want to give POPs a bad reputation. They are also very exciting guys, especially because they are typically planners which means they’ll plan special moments or surprises for the two of you. They are also not men who can be easily manipulated or treated badly. They treat you with respect and expect to also be treated with respect. They are not actually perfect, this is why they are perfect ON PAPER. They have just as many flaws as the rest of us, but on paper, they have their lives “together.”
So, if you truly know a guy or a POP is not for you, don’t waste your time or waste his time. BUT if you are just too scared of the idea of being happy and having a real shot at your relationship, I’d say give it a try! What’s that Pringles’ commercial say? Once you POP, you can’t stop?! HA!
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