What If He Doesn’t Call?

This is probably the most common question women ever ask me. They tell me about a first date or magical time they had with a guy and then say, “What do I do if he doesn’t call”? My answer is always the same, you do nothing. You don’t text the guy or start liking his pictures on Instagram, you don’t call him to make sure he is okay or send a work e-mail or block your number and see if he answers his phone. You simply write it off as a fun experience and continue on with your life without obsessing over him. It sounds easier than it is, but it will definitely help you to view these dates in a healthy way. No guy you just started seeing should have that much power over you, so the quicker you can realize that he just wasn’t for you, the more free time you have for the guy who is.

Why isn’t he calling? First of all, slow down. Our society is so impatient and used to getting things instantly that we believe our relationships should be instantaneous as well. Just because we have e-mail and Instagram and can get a message to anyone in the world within a split second does not mean that our hearts have also changed to work at that speed. Give him a few days to reach out again after a first or second date. Going on a date does not mean you are instantly in a relationship, so give him and yourself some space to digest your feelings. If he doesn’t reach out for weeks, it’s because he wasn’t interested in doing so. Why is he now reaching out weeks later? Probably because he was bored and saw your latest post on social media. Do you really want to be the girl who is the guy’s backup plan because he is bored? Probably not. Unless he has some extraordinary circumstances (like he lost his phone while on a boat in the Galapagos Islands and had no internet connection) I wouldn’t waste my time responding to him. If he never reaches out again, it just means he doesn’t want to hang out again for whatever reason. A lot of men don’t want to be “mean” so instead of just telling women why they aren’t interested they choose to be “non-confrontational” and ignore the entire situation. It can be very annoying for women because we like to pick everything apart, but once you accept this idea your life will get much easier.

Why shouldn’t I call/text him? We are living in the 21st century! I can’t argue that, we are living in the 21st century, but the one thing I can tell you is people never change. The reason Shakespearean plays still relate to us now 400 years later is because the story lines are still the same. Love, passion, betrayal, lies, rejection, obsession, power – these are all ideas he wrote about way before iPhone and they are the same plots we deal with in 2016. And since we haven’t changed much, it’s pretty safe to assume that most of the time men still want to be the hunters. Men usually can’t describe why, but something about being pursued is a huge turn off for them most of the time. They lose interest quickly and always want what they “can’t have.” This is human nature, not exclusive to men, but let them do the chasing. Some of the most attractive qualities a woman can have is confidence and self respect, if you are confident in yourself “the call” won’t affect you as much. If you respect yourself, you’ll set high standards and stick to them no matter what. Men will respect you for it and the good ones will step up to the plate. Just remember, if they don’t want to chase you, plenty of other men do. So, don’t get hung up on the one guy who didn’t call.

Here’s the best part of not calling: What if he does call?! Take the fear out of your heart and embrace the fact that if you had a great time, he probably did too. Stop self-doubting yourself and thinking something is wrong with you and that’s why he’s not calling. People have very complex personalities and most of us can’t read minds so we’ll never know the exact reason why he didn’t call. So, instead of criticising yourself remember that you are perfect. After that, call up a friend and do something fun! Enjoy your life! Don’t just sit waiting for your phone to light up. When he does call, it will feel so much better that he reached out to you instead of wondering if he was just being polite by responding to you. When he does call, answer and accept to go out on another date. It’s just that easy!

Happy Dating!