Use it or Lose it

Dating is like a muscle, if you don’t exercise it will disappear. Quicker than most of us would like, unfortunately. The positive side of this is the more you do it, the better you get at dating. You may think that’s not even possible, but just like with anything knowledge and experience equals power. You learn to become a better conversationalist, if you keep your mind open you learn from every person you meet and you usually get some great stories and adventures to talk about along the way! See? That doesn’t sound so bad!

If we break it down simply, dating is simply getting to know someone to determine whether you two are compatible or not. It can also really help you get to know yourself in many ways. You start to learn what your deal-breakers are and how a person can bring out different sides of you. If you are used to going on dates it will help you from getting anxious before a date with a guy you really clicked with from the get-go. You won’t put so much pressure on yourself because you do this all of the time! Also, you may be surprised that the shy guy who you weren’t so crazy about turns out to be an amazing person once he’s with you one on one. That’s why it’s good to give people a chance, just like they are taking a chance on you.

Now you’re probably thinking that you’d love to go on these all of these fun dates, but how on earth can I go on them if nobody ever asks me out? So many women say that no men are interested in them. They say, men just don’t hit on me. I’m not their type, I’m too intimidating, I’m not pretty enough etc. etc. I believe this is just a mindset that women have to keep them from becoming vulnerable with a man. If you put yourself out there, there is a chance you could get hurt and that can be very scary. What’s even more scary is if you never put yourself out there and lose out on amazing experiences and the opportunity to be in love. So, change your perspective and start to notice when men go out of their way to talk to you, don’t always walk around with headphones in, go out with your friends and be social, join groups,gyms or clubs of your own interests. Chances are the men there also share some of your interests which is a great way to meet someone. Just changing your mindset and thinking that there are a lot of great interesting men in this world will start to open your eyes up to people around you that you may have not noticed before this.

It’s also good to note that it does seem difficult these days for men to actually approach women and ask them out on a proper date. (Men get scared/nervous, too) So, always be polite no matter what your answer is. Personally, I usually like to go on a first date and just get to know the person a little better. You have nothing to lose in the end. If you aren’t interested, be gracious and politely let him know. It’s not fair to lead somebody on and waste their time.

Online dating is also a great option to meet people! Many women ask if any decent men actually use online dating apps and and the answer is yes! If you are considering a site online to find a potential partner, why wouldn’t a man be using it for the same purpose? Of course, do your research and look at which apps/sites feel right for you. They all have different concepts. Also, if you plan on meeting someone in person that you met online, make sure to take precautions, meet them in a public place, tell a family member or friend where you are going etc.

The Waiting Game

       In my opinion, women like to over complicate courtship. Actually, that’s if they allow any courting to happen at all. You may be thinking, what is courting? Does it actually still exist in a world of dating apps and friends with benefits? The answer is yes! If you allow it to happen. Courting is the period of time before a relationship actually begins. It’s when the man tries to woo you and win you over. He’ll do things like call you, text you, send you flowers, ask you to dinner, buy you your favorite candy, you know, all the sweet stuff you see in the movies you don’t really think exists in real life or in 2016. Here’s the catch with courting, the man courts the woman. So, you shouldn’t be calling him, texting him, sending him flowers (which is odd anyway) etc. This is why dating can be a bit of a waiting game. If you are the type of girl who is just itching to send the guy a text the day after meeting him, you NEED to read this and you need to learn to be patient and sit back and wait. It can actually be quite fun to be courted instead of courting the man.

I know it sounds old fashioned, but it’s tried and true and believe me, it works. There is no quicker way for a man to lose interest than by you contacting him, first. Think of it like a tennis match. He sends the ball over by calling you and you send the ball back by answering the phone. Once you’ve answered the ball is in HIS court. Which means, let him make the next move. If he doesn’t suggest to see you, wait. If he doesn’t call, wait. If he doesn’t text you the next day like he said he would, you guessed it, wait. DO NOT under any circumstances make up excuses in your head for the man and decide to make the first move. He has your number, your Facebook, your Instagram, your e-mail etc. etc. Believe me, if wants to contact you he will find a way. The busiest most powerful men in the world (world leaders, CEO’s,) all have time for a relationship (sometimes several relationships) so, I highly doubt the guy you met with a start-up is just so busy he can’t find the time to call you.

Practicing this really helps you eliminate the men who aren’t serious about getting to know you in one big swoop. If he doesn’t call, he doesn’t care. It’s that simple. If he doesn’t text, he doesn’t want to chat. If he doesn’t ask you on a proper date, he doesn’t want to get to know you. And that’s perfectly fine. Here’s the best part, it’s not like you are actually sitting by your phone waiting. You are so busy living your happy, social, fulfilled life and going out on other dates that you may or may not notice if that one guy reaches out or not. If he does, great! If he doesn’t, you have a life and a schedule to attend to and you are booked weeks in advance.

Plus, how much better does it feel when your crush calls you? It feels so much better than when you try and force things and reach out to him first. Then you don’t know if he just doesn’t want to be rude and feels obligated to respond to you. You get your hopes up and then you get let down when weeks go by and you are still making up reasons to text him, but he never pulls the trigger and asks you out on a date. You start asking all of your friends, what do you think? I think he likes me? He must just be shy. Do you really want a man who is too shy to call you and take you to dinner? I’d say NEXT… onto the next one. When the guy does contact you and asks you out, say yes! Don’t play games, just be your fabulous self and go on the date, get to know him and if you’re interested at the end of the date tell him thank you, that you had a great time and you’d love to see him again. This puts the ball in his court to contact you for a second date. It lets him know that you are interested, but you remain mysterious because you are not contacting him after the date via text asking when you’ll see each other again. Men will find this intriguing, because unfortunately most women contact them first. This can come off as desperate. Imagine you two on the tennis court, it should be one ball bouncing back and forth, but instead the woman is just hitting tons of tennis balls over to the man. When you picture this, it does seem a bit overwhelming for him, doesn’t it? 

The Tennis Ball Test:  If you aren’t sure if the ball is in your court or in his just look at your call log or you text messages. If he called/texted you and you haven’t responded yet then the ball is in your court. If you were the last person to call or text, it’s in his court. If it’s in his court, wait for him to hit it back into yours. It’s as easy as that!

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Finding “The One”

 Many of us have been dreaming of our weddings since we were little girls. Back then, it all seemed so magical. Happily ever after didn’t seem so far fetched. You grow up, go to college, find a job and BOOM the universe was supposed to just drop prince charming off at your front door. Reality is, for most of us this didn’t happen. Now, in the days of Tinder, hook-ups and only meeting men with “commitment issues” our dreams of finding the one seem to slowly slip away. But wait, still so many people seem to find their partners and splash their amazing pictures all over Instagram and Facebook. How did some of these women seem to find the man of their dreams and more importantly, how did they get into loving monogamous committed relationships that then led to marriage? To be frank, some didn’t. Some women rushed into a marriage just to be married. Many women feel pressured by society and their family to get married, others think it’s just about a ring, a white dress and a big party…until they realize it’s one of the biggest decisions of our lives. But, that doesn’t have to be you. Before you look for “The One” you have to turn into “The One” for yourself. That will make all of the difference when it comes to dating and having the guys you actually like stick around.

1. Are you an independent responsible person?  You may be wondering what independence has to do with being ready for a relationship, but it’s actually extremely important for you personally and for your future partner. Many people tend to lose themselves once they have a boyfriend or husband and become extremely codependent on their other half. This can happen in many different ways, but once it does and if your relationship ends you literally feel like you are starting from nothing. So, prepare yourself and make sure you have a stable living situation and financial plan (even if you are paying off those college loans still) before you really put yourself out there. This will make you more desirable as you clearly are a woman who has her stuff together and you’ll know that you will always have a foundation to go back to in case he’s not the one.                                                                                                                                               
2. Do you have a strong faith, spirituality and sense of purpose?  I’m just going to put this out there, this blog is not to push any specific religion or faith onto anybody, but I am a spiritual person and I do believe that having faith in something larger than yourself whatever you want to call it (God, Buddha, Allahu, Love, the Universe etc.) is necessary. Personally, it’s not only necessary it’s just the truth. My faith and spirituality have helped me overcome a million challenges when it comes to relationships and it’s how I make sense out of this big thing called life. So, while you don’t necessarily have to answer the question “Why am I here”?… Most people spend their lifetimes answering it, it’s a good idea to have the idea present in your mind and know that you are constantly wanting to improve yourself spiritually, mentally, emotionally and physically. Without love, we have nothing and if we don’t have any love to offer ourselves, we sure don’t have any to offer to the man of our dreams.                                                                                                                                                        
3. Have you resolved any emotional or mental issues you may have? (This includes drugs, alcohol and other addictions) Yes, I went there. You must be thinking, “Me? Emotional Issues? I don’t think so…” Well, guess what I do think so. I think we all have those fears especially when it comes to being vulnerable to another person that we want to work to resolve. Why you ask? So that we become the best versions of ourselves! That is what this is all about! Not just getting a good job and nice apartment to live in and buying a few religious books. This is about becoming so happy while you are still single that all you do is attract other happy mentally stable men into your life! That’s kind of how the whole thing works. Plus, this helps you kick butt as the beautiful single lady that you are and then there is absolutely NO SIGN of the D word around! (Desperate) It’s a horrible thing to have and I truly believe men can smell it. So, whatever it takes. Yoga, meditation, forgiveness, therapy, self-help books! I’ve done it all! Do whatever your little heart desires so that you have the confidence to walk into your next relationship to stand up for what you believe and for what you deserve. 

The moral of the story is…

If you want to find the man of your dreams, you have to make sure you step up to the plate as well. It’s great to make a list of all of the qualities (not looks, actual personality traits etc.) that you want your guy to have. A lot of us do that, but have we ever written a list of the qualities we want to see in ourselves? Make a check list and see how many boxes you can check off before you dive into the dating pool! Don’t worry we made a quick list for you. 

• Am I independent and standing on me own two feet?
• Do I feel fulfilled spiritually or religiously?
• Do I have a job and/or career that I’m proud of?
• Am I financially stable?
• Am I proud of where I live/my surroundings?
• Am I treating my body right?
• Am I working on or have I resolved my own emotional/mental issues?
• Am I proud of my body?
• Am I the highest version of myself?