Have you ever noticed yourself constantly making excuses for the man in your life? Saying things like, “he’s usually not like this,” “he couldn’t come to my birthday because he already had a guy’s night planned,” “he apologized after doing that, we’re fine””I know he loves me, he just has a weird way of showing it.” These excuses happen all too often to wonderful women who deserve a man who will treat them right and be there for them when it counts. If your close friends and family start to ask you questions about your partner, it’s probably because they see that you deserve more than what he is giving you.
A man who is truly worth your time will never behave in a way that will make your loved ones wonder if he is good for you or not. He will constantly show everyone with his actions that he cares about you and puts in the same effort you do into the relationship. Remember, a relationship is a two-way street. If you are not putting in the work with him, it doesn’t seem fair that he does with you and vice-a-versa. However, too many times it’s the woman doing everything possible for the relationship to work while the man sits back and enjoys the ride.
If you notice the man in your life is slacking and you are feeling unsatisfied, first look at your own behavior and make sure you not acting the same way. So many times the behavior of the men in our lives is a direct reflection of our own behavior. Once you’ve thought about this then analyze exactly what it is that hurt your or is bothering you. Is it that he showed up for your birthday but didn’t do anything special? Is it the fact that you constantly have to drive to meet him and you’d like him to pick you up? Does he call you his girlfriend and not introduce you in public as his girlfriend? It could be anything, big or small. The fact is if you want to fix it, you have to talk about it. Have you ever heard the saying that marriage is just a very long conversation? This goes for every relationship in our lives, we have to communicate with our partners because most men cannot read minds.
So, how do you go about this? You do not yell or start an argument, nobody reacts well to that and you lose credibility. Think of all of the things he does do and very well, if not you wouldn’t be with him. Sit and talk. Tell him what you do appreciate, the fact that he takes you out so much or that he came to your birthday dinner. Then tell him what is not making you feel special. “I love that we always go out to great places for dinner, but it’d make me feel really special if you came and picked me up.” or “I loved celebrating my birthday with you, but it would have made me feel even more special had you brought a thoughtful card or gift.” You get the picture… Let him know what you like and then tell him that something didn’t make you feel special or that it hurts your feelings. However you actually feel. Define that and say it, don’t text it.
Hopefully this approach opens up a healthy dialogue between the two of you. Do not go off topic and do not blame everything on him. Acknowledge what you could do better in the relationship as well and vow to work on it together. If your partner tells you that you are “crazy” or “expect too much” or “dramatic” or anything other than understanding and support, I suggest you take a step back to see how much this person or this particular thing you are asking of him is worth it to you. If he doesn’t respect your feelings on a small matter, it’s hard to imagine he will respect your feelings on something more serious. If you feel belittled and he makes you feel dumb then really think about if he is the type of person you want to be with in the long term. If he won’t take the extra 20 minutes to pick you up for a date then what else will he not do?
In my experience, I’ve always stood my ground. Sometimes the man feels intimidated or insulted and it takes him a few days to come around after he’s calmed down. But remember, actions speak louder than words. He may just start doing it without you saying anything. If so, be gracious and always say thank you when he does come to pick you up. Do not rub it in his face. He may apologize to you and say he didn’t realize that was important to you and then start to work on the issue. This is all great news. If he decides to stay the same and not do anything, maybe it’s time for you to take some action. If he complains and refuses to make any effort to make your relationship stronger, you may need to change your relationship status. Men will move mountains for the women they love. If yours can’t even open your door (and that’s what you want), he may not be as in love as you thought. And if there is a guy who is willing to give you as much love as you give him, wouldn’t you say you deserve at least that?
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