I can tell you from experience long distance relationships can be difficult, but they are not impossible. If you are considering dating someone who doesn’t live in your city or if you are just trying to find tips to make yours work, you have come to the right place. I have been in a VERY long distance relationship for more than two years and now we are getting married! (YAY!) Not only have we been in different cities, but different continents with cities that don’t have direct flights. This is even tougher because it takes a day just to see your loved one, but thanks to a lot of planning and commitment from both of us, we will finally be in what I like to call a “no distance” relationship.
Before you commit to someone who doesn’t live near you the first thing you need to do is make sure you are in a monogamous committed relationship! Some people start to “casually” date someone in a different city, but there is nothing casual about dating someone you can hardly see. I understand if you met a great guy on vacation and keep in touch, but if he isn’t avidly making an effort to see you and isn’t telling you that you are his girlfriend than I would keep my options open until that changes. Some men assume that you know that you guys are in a relationship, others who are more traditional may ask you to be in a relationship. So, if you have any doubt in your mind about your relationship status, just ask. Many people think this is awkward, but it’s much more awkward to find out he is seeing other people and assumed you knew that “thing” between you two wasn’t serious.
Once you know you are in a long distance relationship, it is absolutely VITAL to always have a plan on when you will see each other next. This puts both you and your guy at ease, even if you won’t see each other for six weeks, I highly recommend already having transportation and a meeting point planned. My fiance and I had to go several weeks at a time without seeing each other because of our hectic work schedules, but at the end of our trip we would always start to plan the next time we’d meet. This keeps you motivated to keep a positive outlook on the relationship and always gives you something to look forward to. The worst thing is to not know if/when you’ll see each other. Your mind starts to play terrible tricks on you and can add even more stress on your relationship. When all of the travel starts to become too chaotic, try to do a trip somewhere new to spice things up. If you can afford staying in a hotel or Airbnb for a romantic getaway it’ll help both of you relax and get out of your usual rut. So, the moral of the story is to keep your word, stick to your plans as much as possible and try to meet in new places whenever possible.
Technology has changed the way we date and has even broadened who we can date. Now, you can Skype, FaceTime, Viber etc. with someone anywhere in the world as long as they have a decent WIFI connection. When you are in a long distance relationship communicating on a daily basis is absolutely key to staying connected as a couple. Obviously, the best thing would be able to see each other in person or “real life,” but coming home after a long day and being able to sit and video chat is the next best thing. It helps to actually see the other person and know their surroundings, it makes you feel like you are home with them. Texting occasionally or a quick chat throughout the day is also very important. In a “no distance” relationship, you would probably touch base during the day once or twice so do the same in a long distance relationship. Personally, I think talking on the phone can actually make you closer because you have to communicate with your partner and you talk about things that may have not come up if you were physically together. So many times we are distracted by our smart phones or watching shows together that you don’t have as many deep conversations as you do in a long distance relationship, so in that sense it can be a huge plus!
After you have been dating for a while, it’s normal to want to know where things are headed. In a long distance relationship having a long-term plan on how you two will be together will be the glue that holds the relationship together. If you live in New York and he lives in L.A. you both have to decide whether someone is making the move across the country or if maybe you both want a fresh start in a new city. Either way, it’s smart to start researching your job industry and that city and whether you can really see yourself moving there. You also have to decide under what circumstances you would move. This is a very personal decision. Would you only move if you were getting married? Would you be willing to move to try living together? These are decisions only you can make. Before you pack your bags, quit your job and change your entire life make sure that the relationship is headed in the direction you both want it to and that you’ve had all of these conversations and made these decisions as a couple. If you willing to move to his city and your guy says he would never ask you to do that or isn’t thinking about marriage then I would stay put until the two of you are on the same page. Men are usually very direct and will tell you what they want or don’t want. You need to do what is best for you and ensure that you are not giving up your entire life for a guy who won’t be willing to commit down the road. If you decide to get married then happy house hunting!
Lastly, just like any relationship a long distance relationship involves sacrifice. If the person is worth it and you think you two really have a shot at something great then it is absolutely worth it. Many of my friends have had successful long distance relationships that turned into solid marriages. If both people are putting in the effort it takes than you can absolutely make it work. If you are the only one putting in the effort and traveling, than he’s probably not the guy for you. Don’t ever sacrifice yourself for someone who isn’t willing to make sacrifices for you. But, if you do find a great guy who is going the distance for you it’s definitely worth a shot!
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